dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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