Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize