we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he was CRYING into my vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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