She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
