there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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