You're earring is so big in my mouth
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
