dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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