you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
