i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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