Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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