I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
