this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
