At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
