I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
