would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
