He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize