whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
