Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
