I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
