You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
