i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
