There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
