Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
