Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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