I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
