Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
