I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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