I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
