he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
