What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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