I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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