Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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