I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
