the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
