return my video game
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
