Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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