I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
North Korea, Best Korea!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
