we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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