I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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