You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
