So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
