dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
