Someone shit on the floor
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
