im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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