She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
