I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
