Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize