well you can't waste a boner
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
