I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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