went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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