Cold hands, warm shart.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
