i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
