Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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