eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize