I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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