Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
