Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
