I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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