piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
