Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
