ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize