Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
