based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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