alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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