Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
