She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
